What I really see.....

A mind cluttered intertwined with spontaneous craze
How these days begin to melt into a singular phase
Ones fears and tears can tear them apart
Where endless lies and cries lie deep within a heart
There have been too many times
I have let others control these feelings of mine
Leaving my heart shattered in countless pieces
Impossible to unfold all these creases
Others telling me I'm "just not doing anything right"
Telling me I'm not the one that has to be stronger while accusing me of not putting up a good enough fight
So many times I've lifted my hands in true surrender
Feeling abandoned by my only defender
What used to feel incredible, real and full of contentment
Transformed into internal hurt, pain and unwanted resentment
So busy looking in they don't even realize they put up an invisible shield
Keeping everything they stand for locked up somewhere else completely sealed
Instead releasing condemnation, judgment and unacceptance
Forgetting the real meaning of love in the depths of all of it
Preaching the love that will meet you right where you stand
And right parallel to that saying it's not enough to raise your hand
One message being spoken of love and grace
Then footsteps after leave their words invalidated and completely erased
Scared that my faith will come to a place that doesn't exist
And afraid that I might fall through the crack into a lost abyss
Fearing that I just can't do it anymore
But knowing that I truly don't want walk through that door

-brandy-