You take one.. He'll take a thousand...

This is a picture of me standing before God saying "WHAT! NO! Don't take that!" And God's lookin' back at me like.. "It's about time you looked this way for a change" .... Ouch! However, God is good in all he does, and while I've been kicking and screaming since this season he is embarking me upon has started I've come to realize the only way I'm going to make it through all this is TRUE SURRENDER. For months and months I've been writing in my journals.. "Lord teach me to rely on only you and show me once again what true surrender is". God answers prayer... It's just not how we expect. He's creative enough to always surpise us! So therefore he's put me in a place where all I have is him to rely upon and the only way I can rely on him is through surrender. But it's okay because he brought me here.. He'll see me through it. I've already seen him be so faithful in all this regardless of how much of a "brat" I've been. I don't know how else to explain it! It's a bran new season so here's a bran new look for my blog.. I've just decided to start over.. I wrote this poem.. and I know it's long.. but the great thing is... You can stop reading this whenever you choose..

MY GOD, MY GOD

My God, My God, why can't I feel you here

I'm scared, I'm lost, I'm full of fear

My God, My God, why aren't you near

To catch my fall, to catch my tear

You say you're always here and that you'll never leave me

But I feel that you're so much farther than these eyes can see

These temptations, these desires, that just won't flee

How I want to break through, How I want to break free

My God, My God, where are you

I'm scared, I'm lost, I don't know what to do

My God, My God, show me that your promises are true

Hold fast and draw me back to the God I once knew

Please God show me your might,

show me your might so I can learn how to fight

Please God make my heart right,

make my heart right so I can walk in the light

My God, My God, I'm crying out

I'm scared, I'm lost, I'm full of doubt

My God, My God, why can't there be an easy way out

Is there another way, Is there another route

My God, My God, please listen to me

Hear my cry and every plea...

"My child, My child, fear not for I am here

I never moved, you were the one to disappear

My child, My child, I never left you

It was when you looked away that you didn't know what to do...

Now listen to me because it's my turn to speak

Without me you'll always be weak

You asked me to change your heart

But how do I begin when you won't let me start

My child, My child, I will never leave you

Now YOU hold fast and draw to me as you once knew

My child, My child, stand strong on my love

because this world will never give you something to be sure of

Now stand and go read my 66 book letter

Those are my words I wrote that will stand forever

And those words I wrote personally to you

Because I knew you would be scared, lost, and wouldn't know what to do

My child, My child, temptation doesn't flee from you

You flee from temptation and tell it what to do

My child, my child, it's time for you to learn to stand

For I will be right there to hold your hand

My child, My child when will you look above

Instead of falling back on those things you're so sure of

My child, My child, no one else can hold your hand except for me

But even I can't do that unless you reach out to me."

O Lord, My God, I fall on my face

In shame and guilt and such disgrace

My God, My God, I'm sorry for the way I treated you

Oh how could I doubt your promises to be true

My God, My God, please change my heart

Show ME where to end so YOU can start

My God, My God, I blinded my eyes so that I couldn't see

O Lord, My God, please, please forgive me

"My child, of course your sins have already been forgiven

Now turn the other way and change the way you've been living

My child, My child there isn't anything you can do

To change the immeasurable amount of love I have for you

My child, My child, you have been set free

Now go... and tell the other captives about me."

-brandy-